P R O L O G U E.
HEre you’re all met, and looke for a ſet ſpeech,
Put into Rhyme, to court you, and beſeech
Your Worſhips, but to heare and like the Play,
But I, I vow, have no ſuch part to ſay.
I’m ſent a woing to you, but how to do’t,
I han’t the ſkill; tis true I’ve a new Suite,
And Ribbons faſhionable, yclipt Fancies,
But for the Complements, the Trips, and Dances,
Our Poet can’t abide um, and he ſweares,
They’re all but cheats; and ſugred words but jeeres.
Hee’s hearkning there: and if I go about
To make a Speech, he vows, he’le put me out.
Nor dare I write t’you: therefore in this condition,
Ile turne my courtſhip into admonition.
When a good thing is profer’d, don’t be nice,
Our Poet vows, you ſhan’t be profer’d twice.
The Perſons of the Comedy.
| Careleſſe, a young wilde Heire. | Lady Thrivewell. |
| Sir Val. Thrivewell, his Unkle | Mrs. Alicia, Salewares light wife |
| that adopted him Heire. | Mrs. Croſtill, a rich Vintners |
| Saleware, a Citizen and a Cuck- | Widow, and humorous. |
| hold. | Phoebe, Careleſſe his Whore. |
| Saveall, Sir Valentines demure | Cloſet, an old Crone, Nurſekeeper |
| Steward. | to L. Thrivewell. |
| L. Lovely, a Wencher. | |
| Bellamy, a woman diſguiſed, and | Apprentices. |
| his Steward. | Servingmen. |
| Wat, a blunt fellow, Careleſſes | And Attendants. |
| Servingman. | |
| Old Bellamy. | 1. Mad couple. |
| 2. Novella. |
| 3. Beggar. |
The Scene L O N D O N.
A5v
A
MAD COUPLE
WELL MATCH’D.
ACT. I. SCENE. I.
Carleſſe, Wat.
Car.THou haſt delivered my Letter?
Wat.Yes Sir, to Mr.
Saveall your
Unkles friend: But hee has ſtood your
friend ſo long, and ſo often, to ſo little
purpoſe in moving your Unkle for you, that he holds it
utterly in vaine, to urge him any further, he told me.
Car.Thou ſhould’ſt ha’ told him, I would not be
Wat.Yes; and then he would have told me, let your
Car.Then you ſhould ha’ told him again, I have taken
all the courſes I could, or as any Gentleman can to main-
taine my ſelfe like one; But all my courſes are run out,
and I have not breath, nor know any ground whereon
to begin a new one, unleſſe that thing my Unkle ſets me
Bup
A mad Couple Well Match’d.
up againe, nor have I any meanes to attaine to that,
Wat.Then would he ha’ told me againe, what all your
courſes have been. Namely, running into debt by all the
wayes can be imagin’d, and cheating by all could be in-
vented, then that the ſaid thing, (as you call it) your
Unkle, before he caſt you quite off, had redeem’d you out
of Priſon, and ſeverall holds, within the ſpace of 15.
Car.That was not once a Moneth then, or if it had,
what had that been to him? ’twas I that ſuffer’d, thou
ſhouldſt ha’ told him, not he.
Wat.Hee would ha’ told me then againe, That ſeve-
rall Redemptions, coſt your Unkle at leaſt 2000 l. And
that upon your laſt revolt when he quite gave you over
for a caſt-away, two yeares ſince, he caſt the third thou-
ſand with you, upon condition never to afflict him
more. And then he Married in hope to get an heire.
Car.I that Marrying ſpoy’ld all.
Wat.Becauſe you ſhould not after his death caſt away
all the reſt of the thouſands, and ten thouſands which you
might have liv’d to inherit, if your Unkles love or Mr.
Savealls counſell could have prevay’d with you againſt
the Divill, and Debauchednes.
Car.Pox on’t, let it all goe, let that wretched Unkle
goe, and let
Saveall goe for a punctuall aſſe as hee is. I
confeſſe he has by his ſaving helpe peec’d mee with my
Unkle a ſcore of times at leaſt. What had once more
Wat.Sir, it were better for you to thinke upon ſome
courſe by our ſelfe, and me your Creature (that have
ſtuck to you, or followed you through all fortunes) to
maintaine Rich Lace, and Bravery upon you. And thinke
in time too before this be worne out, upon ſome new
[B1v]Car.
A mad Couple Well Match’d.
Car.I cannot, nor will I trouble my braines to thinke
of any, I will rather die here in
Ram alley, or walk down
to the
Temple, and lay my ſelfe down alive, in the old
Synagogue, croſs-leg’d among the Monumentall Knights
there, till I turne Marble with’em. Thinke quoth a !
Wat.On your poor Whore Sir
(as you have brought
her
) ſhee’s in worſe caſe then your ſelfe; your Cloaths are
Car.I ther’s the Devill. I would doe ſomething
for her if I knew how. But what have I not done that
can be done by a forlorn heire?
Wat.Why though the Dice, and all other Houſehold
games, and all the Cheats belonging unto them have
fayld you by your and their diſcoveries, till none dare
venture ſo neare you as a Man hurles a Die or Skirrs a
Card. Though all your hidden wayes in Hide-parke
races are trod out, and all your bowling booties beaten
bare off o’ the Grounds and Allies; and the ſweete
Honey-combes of all your Cockpit coſenages cut off.
Though all your Arts of borowing are croſt out of all
Mens Bookes before you offer at ’em, while your old
Debts ſtand fairely written, and all your Marts miſcarry
of putting out for credit, Veniſon to Citizens, or early
Cherries, Codlings and Apricocks to their Wives availe
you nothing, cannot ſomething yet be found
?
Car.Nothing, nothing. All Projects are confounded.
Wat.Did your Father leave you nothing but wit to
live upon for this? And did hee leave you that but
for yeares, and not for Life? and is the terme ex-
Car.Hold thy peace. I am caſting for ſomething to be
done by me, that ſhall be worth, and coſt my life, to ſhame
Wat.There’s a plot! Think of your poore whore Sir,
B2how
A mad Couple well Match’d.
how ſhall ſhe live, if you caſt away your ſelfe
?
Car.I muſt leave her once thou knowſt.
Wat.If you could leave her now, and betake your
ſelfe handſomely to other Women, I have thought
Car.What, quickly, what iſt?
Wat.To ſet up a Male bawdy houſe.
Wat.You are handſome, lovely, and I thinke able to
do one Mans worke, two or three ſuch Gentlemen
more which I know, and can deſcribe to you, with the
wayes I’le finde to bring in cuſtome ſhall fill your
Car.And empt our bones. I ever had enough of one
Miſtris
Variety would deſtroy me. No Gentlemen can
be able to hold it out. They are too weake to make com-
Wat.For a little while Sir, till we have got a ſtock of rich
cloathes; And then we will put Drey-men, and Wine-
porters, Corniſh Wraſtlers & ſuch like into thoſe cloaths;
and make them Country Cavaliers. Have you not ſeen
courſe ſnowt-faire drudges, clapt into bravery, that would
doe more bodily ſervice in a Brothell then twenty Ladies
Daughters? They are the Game-beares of a Bawdy-houſe,
can play ten ſingle courſes for a cleane-bred Gentle-wo-
mans one, wee will hire fellowes for groates a peece a
day, that ſhall
(without the additaments of Clary,
Cawdle or Cock-broth
) get us forty peeces a Man before
Night, or perhaps a hundred by next Morning, out of
ſuch ſhee-cuſtomers, as an Aunt of mine ſhall finde out
Car.O baſe Villaine! No I’le never fall ſo deep below
a Gentleman, as to be Maſter of a Baudy-houſe.
Wat.Very good decay’d Gentlemen have done as
much; though I urge this, but for your paſtime ſir.
[B2v]Car.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Car.No my firſt plot ſhall ſtand, I will do ſome no-
torious death-deſerving thing (though theſe cloaths goe
to th’ Hangman for’t, what care I) in defiance of him that
was my Unkle, and his Methodicall, Grave, and Ortho-
graphicall ſpeaking friend, Mr.
Saveall that cals People
Enter Saveall.
O Mr.
Saveall how have you honord mee, how
am I bound to you for this viſit! Sir hearing that my
Unkle was come to Town, and you with him, I did pre-
Sav.One Servant is not fit for all Offices, although
you keepe no more; you preſumed indeed, I can no leſſe
then call it a preſumption, although it were but unto mee
you write; I ſpeak not this in the behalfe of any dignity
in me; but that you ſhould overweene that I had ability
to wraſtle any more with your overgratefull Unkle in
your behalfe. Therein was your outrecuidance.
Car.The miſerableſt Man on Earth! in having wee-
ried out my worthieſt friend, on whom the ſum of all my
Sav.No, I am not wearied; But ſtill in the ſame full
ſtrength: yet my modeſty diſſwadeth mee from uſing
ſtrength above reaſon, and my reaſon prevaileth with me
not to ſtrive againſt a Torrent.
Car.He is then inexorable, and I muſt periſh. But did
you try him for me this laſt time?
Sav.I have both tryed, and tempted him to his vexation.
Car.But did you urge that pious act of mine
Which he once vow’d ſhould never be forgot,
Sav.Your ſtanding upon merit in that Act
Perplexeth nature in him, and confounds
B3Both
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Both your deſert, and his benevolence,
And now ſince you have urged it, I’le tell you,
Your Act was undenyable, moſt noble,
And glorious in a Nephew, greater piety
Could not have been expected in a Sonne:
When from the Swords of Theeves and Murderers,
Your valor reſcued him—But—
Car.I and my Man I’me ſure made four of the ſtowteſt
purſes fly for’t, that ever ſet our Country o’ the ſkore:
After they had him downe, and their points at his breſt
and throat, hee crying out for helpe, when I came on by
chance at a time too when I was in his diſpleaſure, nay
he hated mee a whole yeare together before that, and yet
I did it, and more then ſo—
Sav.Fare you well Sir, I thought to have ſaid all this
for you, and more then ſo too. But—
Car.Nay ſweet Mr.
Saveall—
Sav.Good Mr.
Careleſſe, as I can hear I would be
Car.Indeed I cry you mercy, pray ſir ſpeake.
Sav.I was commending of your act, and do ſo ſtill.
You did expreſſe your ſelfe in blood and nature
A perfect Kinſman; and your piety
Drew bleſſings on you: for whereas before
Your Unkle left you off to Reprobation,
He then receives you a Son, (being his Siſters)
Adopted you, intended you his heire,
And out of his Eſtate then preſently
Allowed you two hundred pounds
per annum,
And gave your Man for what he ſuffered
In the conflict an hundred Marks—
Car.Poore Rogue
! and he deſerv’d it, I’le beſworne
for a Theeves marke that he receiv’d; a cut o’ the Cockſ-
combe that crackt his ſkull, ſo that hee could never bear
his drinke ſince, as hee could ha’ done before. For ſir, as we
[B3v]came
A mad Couple Well Match’d.
came in, I having put by the thruſts of three of ’em, the
fourth man with a full blow—
Sav.Fare you well Sir the ſecond time—
Car.Nay curteous Mr.
Saveall.
Sav.I came to ſpeake not with you altogether, but
unto you for to be heard.
Car.Sir I will heare you with all due reſpect.
Sav.Your Unkle having done ſo gratefully, and ſo
You building ſtill on merit for that ſervice,
Did hold him ſo faſt bound that you preſumed
To run upon more extravagancies
In all the out-wayes of debauchery,
Till for the one good deed you did for him
He did you forty, in reſtoring you
From Surfets, Wants, Wounds and Impriſonments,
Till overborne with charge, and more with anguiſh,
At your outragious, unexampled Riots,
Hee gave you an irrevocable farewell, yet then at your
Car.Yet then I liv’d and could have done till now,
meerly by being his Nephew, and ſuppos’d his heire, had
not he married; but his Marriage turnd the hearts of all
believing Citizens from me, where before a Taylor could
have made mee run through all the credit i’ the Town,
When in a ſute Chinquant, and Ala-mode
They could informe themſelves, whoſe heire I was,
But to ſay truth I vex’d him into Wed-lock, for before
he valud not a Wife at a batchelors Button.
Sav.Farewell to you the third time.
Car.Sir, you ſhall ſee mee die firſt, and that inſtantly;
That you may tell my Uncle I’le be no more his trouble,
or charge, unleſſe in charity hee’l ſend to bury me.
Sav.You will not deſperately work a violent end up-
B4Car.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Car.No Sir, the Devills not ſo great with mee;
but my heart, I feele it ready to breake. My Unkle
is no more my Unkle, nor you my friend, all by my own
fault, and what ſhould I do here, but in to my Bed, and
out o’ the World preſently.
Wat.
Wat.
Enter Wat.
Sav.I have dalyed too long, and tempted him too far
Wat.Your Wench is come indeed, but I hope you will
not to bed before he be gone.
Car.Lay down my bed I ſay. But firſt unbutton me.
Wat.Lord how his heart beats! pangs of death I fear.
Sav.Not ſo I hope. I will now come to the point Sir,
Mr.
Careleſſe be comforted.
Car.I am, and well reſolv’d, I thanke my better
Sav.Your Unkle’s friends with you.
Car.Alas, how can that be?
Sav.I thought your ſpirit had been higher.
Car.It will be Sir anon, I hope.
Sav.I have but dallied with you to ſearch your
Wat.But you have ſearched too deep I feare ſir.
Sav.Your Unkle is friends with you, I ſay ſo farre
as to make a further tryall of your nature, you may be
yet his heire; for your Aunt deſpaireth of any Child by
him, having fruitleſly been married now theſe two years.
Car.Ah!—But good Sir, can this be?
Sav.It is, and I will bring you to him. And ſee that all
Car.Your noble friendſhip hath reviv’d me ſir,
O run and fetch my cloake.
[B4v]Enter.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Enter Wat with his Cloake.
Tell
Phebe I cannot ſtay to give her any ſatiſfaction now,
I muſt go ſee my Unkle firſt.
Exit Wat.
Sav.Poore Gentleman, how weakly he ſtandeth! The
ſight of his Unkle will recover him. Come Mr.
Careleſs
Car.Sir what do you thinke if I ſhould firſt according
to the reformation of my mind cut off my undecent hair,
and change this gariſh apparrell for a civill well worne
Students ſute, I can be fitted preſently hard by.
Sav.No, the mind reformed is enough, your habit well
Wat.Now Wit and’t be thy will go with him. And I
hope this will be his laſt hot fit of the Unkle.
Enter Phebe.
Phe.Your Maſters gone forth it ſeemes.
Wat.Cal’d by his fortune, hee is ſo.
Phe.Shuns he the ſight of me? i’le overtake him.
Wat.O your patience ſweete Miſtris
Phebe, a little
Hee’s gone to be happy, and to make you happy. I dare
promiſe you a Sattin Gowen within this ſea’night.
Phe.For let me tell thee Miſtris
Phebe bright
Hee’s reconciled to his Unkle Knight.
Away Pimpe, Flamſted, I came to be ſerious with him,
to let him know the miſeries I ſuffer, by the wrongs hee
has done mee, and that I can nor will no longer
Wat.Nor him neither will you? Take heede what you
Phe.No nor him neither, you pandarly Paraſite, till
he make his vowes good, and me an honeſt Woman.
Wat.Birlady, a ſhrewd taſke, and I fear an impoſſible
Phe.Sirra, I will claw your ugly Face till thou under-
tak’ſt it with him, to make it eaſie.
[B5]Wat.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Wat.Hold, hold, I’le doe you all the good I can,
Wat.How deſperatly valiant a Whore growes, when
ſhe is ſo poore that her cloathes feare no tearing.
But by what meanes can you hope to bring this worke
Phe.You know I have a wealthy Kinſman in the City.
Wat.O Mr.
Saleware, and he has a Wife too that bears
Phe.Pimpe impudent, ſhall I claw your Face into
bluſhes at my injuryes, to be mockt out of my Mayden-
head, when I was upon a good Match in the Countrey;
Then with a promiſe of Marriage, to be intic’d from my
friends into fooles Paradice (that was a new title for the
City
) and here to be uſed, and abuſed from Lodging to
Lodging, by him that now flies me, for the decayes hee
hath brought mee to
? But my Kinſman has money
though I have none, and for money there is Law to be
found, and in a juſt cauſe he will not let me ſink, he ſayes:
Wat.But not the how many times, the whens, the
where’s, and the wherewithalls, I hope have you?
Phe.Sirrah, I ſhall ſhew you and your Maſter too a
way to more civility, ſince I am thus abuſed, and
Wat.You have ſchoold mee handſomely, and brought
me into ſenſe of your injuries: you have beene over-
wrong’d, but not over-wrought, nor over-worne, you
doe excell in Beauty, Strength and Spirit, which makes
you in your very anger now appeare ſo lovely, that I
profeſſe my ſelfe your Creature. What would a kiſſe of
this faire Hand now make mee do, and of thoſe Lipps
what not?
Shee ſtrikes him.
Wat.Leave theſe temptations; doe not ſtrike me too
[B5v]Phe.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Wat.’Tis true I am your Creature, as I am my Maſters;
And ſometimes the ſerving Creature, breakes his faſt with
a bit off the Spit before the ſame meat is ſerv’d up to his
Maſters table, but is never denyed to Dine upon his Ma-
ſters leavings, you cannot thinke what an appetite that
Phe.You are no ſaucy Raſcall.
Wat.Good wit too! My appetite needs no Sauce; nor
ſhall you need to make uſe of Law, or Friend againſt my
Wat.Be rul’d by me, if I doe not lay you downe, and
joyne with you preſently in a courſe that ſhall content
you, then—hang me Lady at your doore.– – –
Wat.In the next roome we ſhall finde Pen, Inke and
Paper, you ſhall write him ſuch a Letter (as I will dictate
to you) that ſhall ſo nettle him.
Phe.Nay I did intend to leave him part of my mind in
Enter Saleware.
Wat.A pox of this interupting Cuckold, hee hinders
all Trading, but his Wives, zownds I was going with full
ſpeed a Tilt, as the learned ſay, had not this horne-head
come, we had writ lines together ſhould have put down
Harke you Miſtris
Phebe, is this your Kinſman that you
told me, you had told all the buſineſſe to?
SaleYes, ſir, I am the Gentleman, and ſhee has told
me ſo much, Sir that I muſt tell you, to tell your Maſter
from mee, and as I would tell him my ſelfe if hee were
here perſonally preſent, hee is a moſt diſhoneſt Gentle-
man if he doe her not lawfull right by Marrying her; and
[B6]that
A mad Couple well Match’d.
that right I came to demand, and obtaine of him, or to
denounce the Law againſt him.
Wat.How happy are you, that you came ſhort to tell
him ſo, elſe hee would ha’ ſo beaten you, as never was
Citizen beaten, ſince the great Battaile of Finſbury-
Sal.Your great words cannot make mee feare his
blowes (I am not daſht nor baſht) nor croſſe him out of
my Booke, for feare of any ſuch payment. I have him
there for foure ſcore pound as you know, though you
are pleas’d to forget mee, But
Sapientia mea mihi ſtultitia
Wat.Cry mercy Mr.
Saleware, is it you? I hope Mi-
ſtris
Saleware is well, your moſt exquiſite, and moſt court-
ly wife; the
Flower-de-luce of the City.
Sal.Well wag well, you muſt not now put me off with
my wife, ſhee’s well and much reſpected; I come to
ſpeake of, and for my diſtreſſed Kinſwoman, her whom
your wicked Maſter has moſt wickedly dealt withall.
Hee has deflower’d and deluc’d her, and led her from
her Friends, and out of her Countrey into Fooles Pa-
radice—By making her believe he would Marry her, and
here he has put her on, and put her off, with hopes and
delayes till ſhee is come to both woe and want; And
(which may prove her moſt affliction, if hee be ſuffered
to forſake her) ſhee is with child by him.
Wat.Say you ſo, Miſtris
Phebe ? here’s ſmall ſhew of
Phe.Sirrah, I ſhall ſhew you and your Maſter too a
way to more civility, if I be thus abuſed and ſlighted.
Wat.By the way Mr.
Saleware, how many children
have you by your moſt amiable wife?
Sal.Sir, that needs not to fall by the way of our diſ-
Wat.But by the way I ſpeake of getting children. Or
[B6v]I
A mad Couple well Match’d.
I pray tell me, did not you correct one of her children
once, for which your wife reprehended you, and bad
you correct your own? And how then ſhall my Maſter
be ſure that this (if it be one) is his
?
Sal.What an Aſinego’s this? I ſhall finde a time ſir,
to talke with your Maſter. In the meane time I tell you
that my Kinſewoman is a Gentlewoman of as good
blood as himſelf, and of the beſt in
Herefordſhire.
Sal.And ſhall find friends that ſhall not ſee her abus’d
by you nor him. There is Law to be found for money, and
money to be found for Friends, and Friends to be found
in the Arches, and ſo tell your Maſter, come away
Wat.But one word before you goe Sir, is this Gentle-
woman, (who was but a Countrey Chamber-maide when
my Maſter tooke her to his mercy) of ſuch boaſted blood,
your Cozen by your owne, or by your Wives ſide I
Sal.Sirrah, like a ſaucy companion as you are, though
you meddle with me that am a Common-councell-Man;
I charge you meddle not with my wife, you have had two
Wat.I was warn’d before Sir, in my own underſtand-
ing: for ſhe is for great perſons.
Sal.Then know your diſtance Sir.
Wat.Yet give me leave to wait you down Sir, cudſhoe
did it tell it Kinſeman that it is got with Champkin.
Phe.You are a Pandarly Raſcall, and I’le be a terror
both to you, and your Patron.
Exit omnes.
Enter Thrivewell, Lady.
Thr.How can you thinke ſo?
La.Thinke
! I ſee’t apparently upon your Face, and
heare it in your ſighes, your broken ſleepes to night,
when your owne groanes wak’d you, declard no leſſe;
[B7]But
A mad Couple well Match’d.
But had I had the power of ſome wifes with their hus-
bands I could have fetch’d it out of you waking once (I
thanke you) you tooke me in your arme, but when you
found ’twas I you turn’d away as in a dreame.
Thr.Sure you dreame now, whence can this talke pro-
La.I muſt not give it over till I know the cauſe of
your melancholly fit, doe you doubt my duty, or my
loyalty? perhaps you do, and ſo make me the cauſe of
Thr.May ſuch a thought within mee, ſtick mee to the
La.’Tis lately entertained, what e’re it be; you came
heart whole to Town, and Joviall. Ha’ you been drawn
for ſecurity into Bonds by any of my friends, for great
ſumms, and forc’d to pay ’em
?
La.Are any great friends of yours in queſtion, attaint-
ed, impriſoned, or run away
?
La.Or are you further griev’d about your Nephew,
Careleſſe? I thought that your friend
Saveall, and my
ſelfe had made his peace with you; and that you had ſent
for him, do you repent that?
Thr.No, no, ſweete heart, hee ſhall be welcome. And
pray let me intreate you make no further inquiſition; If
(as you ſuppoſe
) there be a trouble in my thoughts, I ſhall
La.Tell me, or I ſhall prove the greater trouble. I
would thoſe few examples of women, that could not
keepe their huſbands counſells had beene burnt, and the
woman too rather then I ſhould be diſtruſted thus, and
Thr.Nay then you’l grieve me indeed.
La.There has beene many examples of diſcreet wo-
[B7v]men
A mad Couple well Match’d.
men that have not onely kept their huſbands councells,
but adviſe and help ’em in extremities, and deliver’d ’em
Thr.I pray content your ſelfe.
La.Be you content to tell me then what troubles you.
And I pray you tell mee ſpeedily, now preſently; or
(excuſe me in my vow,) it is the laſt requeſt that ever
I will make to you, and the laſt queſtion I’le ever aſke
you, and (the eaſier to get it from you) I promiſe you
by the continuance of my faith to you
( which by this
kiſſe I ſeale) Be it a deadly injury to my ſelfe, I will for-
give it freely; not be troubled at it.
Thr.I ſhall do that now, which few wiſe men would.
But ſhee’s diſcreet, and has a fortitude
Above the boaſt of women; ſhould that faile,
And this too weighty knowledge for a wife
Should prove a torment to her, I’m excus’d
Shee pulls it on her ſelfe, and for Revenge
Should ſhe againſt her proteſtation move it,
La.You are reſolv’d it ſeems to keepe your ſecret
Unto your ſelfe, much good Sir may it doe you.
Thr.No, you ſhall know it, ſir, and (if unſhaken
Now, in your love to me) the wonder of all wives
Y’are bound by a faire pledge, the kiſſe you gave me,
To be unmov’d, and to forgive it though
It be a deadly injury to your ſelf;
It is, and ’tis a great one; and ſo great
But that you have ſeald my pardon, the hid knowledge
Of it ſhould feed upon my Heart, and Liver,
Till life were baniſh’d thence, rather then pull
Your juſt revenge upon me; yet you frown not!
But before I declare it to your Juſtice,
Let me renew your mercy.
Kiſſe.
And on this Altar, which I have prophan’d
[B8]While
A mad Couple well Match’d.
While it breath’d ſacred incence, now with penitence
Offer religious vowes, never to violate
My Faith or Love to you againe. One more
Kiſſe.
Before you heare it: for if then you ſtand not
Firme to your Mercy, it muſt be my laſt.
La.What do you but violate your Love to mee,
Now in your moſt unjuſt ſuſpition?
Thr.I’le treſpaſſe ſo no more; yet many huſbands
(I wiſh they had my ſorrow, and no leſſe
Purpoſer to reformation
) wrong their wives.
La.Leave theſe perambulations; to the point:
You have unlawfully lyen with ſome woman!
Thr.’Tis ſaid; and now your doome.
La.Ha, ha, ha. Here’s a buſieſſe!
Would ſomebody heard you faith: nay of five hundred
That now might overheare us (I meane not only
Gallants, but grave ſubſtantiall Gentlemen
)
Could be pick’d out a twelve good men and true,
To finde you guilty, I would then condemne you,
But ſuch a Jury muſt be pannell’d firſt.
Thr.And can you be ſo mild? then farwell thought.
La.Thought of your Miſtris Sir, And then farwell
My jealouſy, for let me tell you Sir,
That I have had an ache upon theſe browes
Since your laſt being in Town. And ſince you have dealt
So faithfully as to tell me it is one,
(There’s no more, is there?)
La.Name me the woman: if it be the ſame
That I ſuſpect, I’le never ſuſpect more.
Thr.As faithfully as to my Confeſſor;
Light Weight.
Saleware my Silke-mans wife.
Y’are a faire dealing huſband. On what condition?
Come this is merry talke. Prithee on what condition
?
[B8v]Only
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Only to bring good cuſtome to her ſhop,
And ſend her huſband Veniſon
(fleſh for fleſh)
I did obſerve you bought all there laſt terme,
And wiſh’d me to her Shop, and Mr.
Saveall
With divers others to beſtow our monies.
Troth ſhee’s a handſome one; Prithee on what con-
Thr.Thou ſhalt know all to purge me of my folly.
Thr.After a coſtly, and a tedious Sute
With many an anſwer no, and no ſuch Woman,
At length ſhee yeilds for a hundred pieces;
Had’em, and I enjoy’d her once.
When you laſt Terme ſat up all Night, and ſaid you ſat
up with the three Lady Gameſters.
Thr.But here was the foule dealing, and for which
I hate her now: I having paid ſo great a fine, and
Tane poſſeſſion thought after to deale Rent-free.
La.A Pepper-corne a quarter, if ſhee be Pepper-
Thr.But ſhee at my very next approach, which was
but yeſterday denyes me
Egreſſe, except I make it a new
purchaſe at the ſame former rate, and ſo for all times
La.Troth ’tis unreaſonable, a hundred pound a time?
How rich would Citizens be, if their wives were all ſo
paid, and how poore the Court and Country! But
huſht, here comes Mr.
Saveall with your Nephew, I
take it; A handſome Gentleman, could hee be ſo de-
Enter Saveall, Careleſſe.
Sav.Sir, I have brought you home a Reformado:
Cand
A mad Couple well Match’d.
and doe intreat
(for what I have ſaid unto him, and he
hath fairely anſwered unto me
) that words may not by
Thr.Not a word of unkindneſſe, Nephew, you are
welcome, give me your hand.
George, thou art welcome.
Car.I ſhall be
George o’ horſe-back once more I ſee.
In all humility I thanke you Sir.
Thr.Nay now thou ſpeakeſt, and look’ſt too tamely
George, I would have thee keepe and uſe the lively ſpirit
that thou hadſt, but not to let it flie at randome, as it has
Car.Sir, I have learnt now by the inconveniences I
have met with, in thoſe extravagant out-flights, the better
to containe it within the limits of your leave, and faire
Thr.Well ſaid, and againe welcome
George. But
(and
this you ſhall give me leave to ſay Mr.
Saveall ) I remit
your thanks for any inclination I had towards this re-
concilement till I doe you ſome further kindneſſe; only
you had good advocates, who pleaded friendly for you,
Mr.
Saveall, and your Aunt there before ſhe ever ſaw you
Car.A man muſt be ſo tied now.
Thr.Pray take notice of her.
Car.I cannot uſe reſpect enough Sir.
Sav.Doubt him in nothing, for he is come home.
Car.Madam as you are my gracious Patroneſſe, and
my ſelfe ſo all unworthy, my duty checks me in my ap-
La.You are the more intirely welcome Coſen.
Kiſſe.
Car.Shee Kiſſes like an old mans wife, That is, as a
Child late ſterv’d at Nurſe, ſucks a freſh flowing
La.You muſt not Sir be baſhfull.
[C1v]Car.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Car.’Twill leſſe become mee to preſume good Ma-
Thr.George, here’s a Lodging for you in this houſe,
and my Table has a place for you, ſend for your man to
Car.Yes Sir, an honeſt true hearted civill fellow he is,
as I have manag’d him, he can ſay grace now.
Thr.The world’s well mended. To morrow you ſhall
give me a note of your debts
George, which I’le take or-
der for, if I may preſume you have any.
Car.Some driblets Sir, My credit has not lately wrong’d
Sav.You ſpeake ſententiouſly, for credit ſought
With Tradeſ-men, then their wares are dearer bought;
So Gentlemen are wronged.
Thr.Then not to wrong our ſelves, lets in to Dance.
Exeunt omnes.
