Search for Keyword: in: of : Quarto/Octavo Modern Both

The Antipodes

Edited by R. Cave

The Antipodes.
Act 3. Scene I.
Letoy, Ioyleſſe, Diana, Martha, Barbara.

1227
Let.YEt, Mr. Ioyleſſe, are you pleas’d? you ſee
1228
Here’s nothing but faire play, and all above boord.
1229
Ioy.But it is late, and theſe long intermiſſions
1230
By banqueting and Courtſhip twixt the Acts
1231
Will keep backe the Cataſtrophe of your play,
1232
Untill the morning light.
1233
Let.All ſhall be ſhort.
1234
Ioy.And then in midſt of Scenes
1235
You interrupt your Actors; and tye them
1236
To lengthen time in ſilence, while you hold
1237
Diſcourſe, by th’by.
1238
Let.Poxe o’ thy jealouſie.
1239
Becauſe I give thy wife a looke, or word
1240
Sometimes! What if I kiſſe (thus) Ile not eate her.
1241
Ioy.Soe, ſo, his banquet workes with him.
1242
Let.And for my Actors, they ſhall ſpeake, or not ſpeake
1243
As much, or more or leſſe, and when I pleaſe,
1244
It is my way of pleaſure, and ile uſe it.
1245
So ſit: They enter. Flouriſh.

Act 3. Scene 2.

Enter Lawyer,and Poet.
1246
Law.Your caſe is cleare, I underſtand it fully,
1247
And need no more inſtructions, this ſhall ſerve,
1248
To firke your Adverſary from Court to Court,
1249
If he ſtand out upon rebellious Legges,
1250
But till Octabis Michaelis next.
1251
Ile bring him on ſubmiſſive knees.
1252
Dia.What’s he?
1253
Let.A Lawyer, and his Clyent there, a Poet.
1254
Dia.Goes Law ſo torne, and Poetry ſo brave?
FIoy.


The Antipodes.
1255
Ioy.Will you but give the Actors leave to ſpeake,
1256
They may have done the ſooner?
1257
Law.Let me ſee,
1258
This is your bill of Parcells.
1259
Poet.Yes, of all
1260
My ſeverall wares, according to the rates
1261
Delivered unto my debitor.
1262
Dia.Wares does he ſay?
1263
Let.Yes, Poetry is good ware
1264
In the Antipodes, though there be ſome ill payers,
1265
As well as here; but Law there rights the Poets.
1266
Law.Delivered too, and for the uſe of the right worſhipfull
1267
Mr. Alderman Humblebee, as followeth―ImprimisReads.
1268
Umh, I cannot read your hand; your Character
1269
Is bad, and your Orthography much worſe.
1270
Read it your ſelfe pray.
1271
Dia.Doe Aldermen
1272
Love Poetry in Antipodea London.
1273
Let.Better than ours doe Cuſtards; but the worſt
1274
Pay-maſters living there; worſe than our gallants,
1275
Partly for want of money, partly wit.
1276
Dia.Can Aldermen want wit and money too?
1277
That’s wonderfull.
1278
Poet.Imprimis ſir here is
1279
For three religious Madrigalls to be ſung
1280
By th’ holy Veſtalls in Bridewell, for the
1281
Converſion of our City wives and daughters,
1282
Ten groats a peece, it was his owne agreement.
1283
Law.Tis very reaſonable.
1284
Poet.Item, twelve Hymnes,
1285
For the twelve Seſſions, during his Shrievalty,
1286
Sung by the Quire of New-gate, in the praiſe
1287
Of City Clemency (for in that yeare
1288
No guiltleſſe perſon ſuffer’d by their judgement)
1289
Ten groats a peece alſo.
1290
Law.So, now it riſes.
1291
Dia.Why ſpeaks your Poet ſo demurely?
1292
Let.Oh――
1293
Tis a preciſe tone he has got among
1294
The ſober ſiſter-hood.
[Fv]Dia.


The Antipodes.
1295
Dia.Oh I remember,
1296
The Doctor ſaid Poets were all Puritans
1297
In the Antipodes: But where’s the Doctor?
1298
And where’s your ſonne my Ioyleſſe?
1299
Let.Doe not minde him.
1300
Poet.Item,
1301
A Diſticke graven in his thumb-ring,
1302
Of all the wiſe ſpeeches and ſayings of all
1303
His Alder Predeceſſors, and his brethren
1304
In two Kings reignes.
1305
Law.There was a curious Peece.
1306
Poet.Two peeces he promiſed to me for it.
1307
Jtem, inſcriptions in his Hall and Parlour,
1308
His Gallery, and garden, round the walls,
1309
Of his owne publicke acts, betweene the time
1310
He was a Comnmon Councell man and ſhriefe,
1311
One thouſand lines put into wholſome verſe.
1312
Law.Here’s a ſumme towards indeed! a thouſand verſes?
1313
Poet.They come to, at the knowne rate of the City,
1314
(That is to ſay at forty pence the ſcore)
1315
Eight pounds ſixe ſhillings, eight pence.
1316
Law.Well ſir, on.
1317
Poet.Item, an Elegy for Miſtris Alderwoman
1318
Upon the death of one of her Coach-mares,
1319
She priz’d above her daughter, being crooked―――
1320
Dia.The more beaſt ſhe.
1321
Mar.Ha, ha, ha.
1322
Bar.Enough, enough ſweet-heart.
1323
Mar.Tis true, for I ſhould weep for that poore daughter,
1324
Tis like ſhe’ll have no children, pray now looke,
1325
Am not I crooked too?
1326
Bar.No, no, ſit downe.
1327
Poet.Jtem, a love Epiſtle for the Aldermanikin his ſonne,
1328
And a Booke of the godly life and death
1329
Of Miſtris Katherine Stubs, which I have turn’d
1330
Into ſweet meetre, for the vertuous youth,
1331
To woe an ancient Lady widow with.
1332
Law.Heres a large ſumme in all, for which ile try,
1333
His ſtrength in law, till he peccavi cry,
F2When


The Antipodes.
1334
When I ſhall ſing, for all his preſent bigneſſe,
1335
Iamq: opus exegi quod nec Iovis Ira, nec ignis.
1336
Dia.The Lawyer ſpeaks the Poets part.
1337
Let.He thinkes
1338
The more; the Poets in th’ Antipodes,
1339
Are ſlow of tongue, but nimble with the pen.
1340
Poet.The counſaile and the comfort you have given
1341
Me, requires a double fee.Offers mony.
1342
Law.Will you abuſe me therefore?
1343
I take no fees double nor ſingle I.
1344
Retaine your money, you retaine not me elſe.
1345
Away, away, you’ll hinder other Clyents.
1346
Poet.Pray give me leave to ſend then to your wife.
1347
Law.Not ſo much as a Poeſie for her thimble,
1348
For feare I ſpoyle your cauſe,
1349
Poet.Y’ave warned me ſir.Exit.
1350
Dia.What a poore honeſt Lawyer’s this?
1351
Let.They are all ſo
1352
In th’ Antipodes.

Act 3. Scene 3.

Enter a ſpruce yong Captaine.
1353
Law.Y’are welcome Captaine.
1354
In your two cauſes I have done my beſt.
1355
Cap.And whats the iſſue pray ſir?
1356
Law.Truely ſir,
1357
Our beſt courſe is not to proceed to triall.
1358
Cap.Your reaſon? I ſhall then recover nothing.
1359
Law.Yes, more by compoſition, than the Court
1360
Can lawſully adjudge you, as I have labour’d.
1361
And ſir, my courſe is, where I can compound
1362
A difference, Ile not toſſe nor bandy it
1363
Into the hazzard of a judgement.
1364
Dia.Still
1365
An honeſt Lawyer, and tho poore, no marvaile.
1366
Let.A kiſſe for thy conceite.
1367
Ioy.A ſweet occaſion!
1368
Cap.How have you done ſir?
1369
Law.Firſt you underſtand
1370
Your ſeverall actions, and your adverſaries.
1371
The firſt a Battery againſt a Coach-man,
1372
That beate you ſorely.
[F2v]Dia.


The Antipodes.
1373
Dia.What hard hearted fellow
1374
Could beat ſo ſpruce a gentleman, and a captaine.
1375
Cap.By this faire hilt, he did ſir, and ſo bruis’d
1376
My armes, ſo cruſh’d my ribs, and ſtitch’d my ſides,
1377
That I have had no heart to draw my ſword ſince;
1378
And ſhall I put it up, and not his purſe
1379
Be made to pay for’t?
1380
Law.It is up already, ſir,
1381
If you can be advis’d, obſerve I pray,
1382
Your other actions ’gainſt your feathermaker,
1383
And that of treſpaſſe for th’inceſſant trouble
1384
He puts you to by importunate requeſts,
1385
To pay him no money, but take longer day.
1386
Cap.Againſt all humane reaſon, for although
1387
I have bought feathers of him theſe four yeares,
1388
And never paid him a penny; yet he duns me
1389
So deſperately to keepe my money ſtill,
1390
As if I ought him nothing; he haunts and breaks my ſleepes.
1391
I ſweare ſir, by the motion of this I weare now,Shakes it.
1392
I have had twenty better feathers of him, and as ill paid for,
1393
Yet ſtill he duns me to forbeare my payment,
1394
And to take longer day.
1395
I ha’ not ſaid my prayers in
1396
Mine owne lodging ſir this twelvemonths day,
1397
For ſight or thought of him; and how can you
1398
Compound this action, or the other of
1399
That Ruffian Coachman that durſt lift a hand
1400
’Gainſt a Commander.
1401
Law.Very eaſily thus,
1402
The Coachman’s poore, and ſcarce his twelvemoneths wages
1403
Tho’t be five markes a yeare will ſatisfie.
1404
Cap.Pray name no ſumme in markes, I have had too many
1405
Of’s markes already.
1406
Law.So you owe the other
1407
A debt of twenty pound, the Coachman now
1408
Shall for your ſatiſfaction, beat you out
1409
Of debt.
1410
Cap.Beate me againe?
1411
Law.No ſir he ſhall beate
F3For


The Antipodes.
1412
For you your feather man, till he take his money.
1413
Cap.So Ile be ſatisfied, and helpe him to
1414
More cuſtomers of my ranke.
1415
Law.Leave it to me then,
1416
It ſhall be by poſterity repeaten
1417
That ſouldiers ought not to be dund or beaten,
1418
Away and keepe your money.
1419
Capt.Thanke you ſir.
1420
Dia.An honeſt lawyer, ſtill how he conſiders

Act. 3. Sce. 4.

1421
The weake eſtate of a young GentlemanEnter Buffe
1422
At armes― But who comes here? a woman.Woman.
1423
Let.Yes; that has taken up the neweſt faſhion
1424
Of the towne-militaſters.
1425
Dia.Is it Buffe,
1426
Or Calfe ſkin troe? ſhe lookes as ſhe cold beate
1427
Out a whole Taverne garriſon before her
1428
Of mill taſters call you ’em? if her huſband
1429
Be an old jealous man now, and can pleaſe herLawyer
1430
No better then moſt ancient huſbands can,reads on papers.
1431
I warrant ſhe makes her ſelfe good upon him.
1432
Ioy.Tis very good, the play begins to pleaſe me.
1433
Buff.I wayt to ſpeake w’yee ſir, but muſt I ſtand
1434
Your conſtring and piercing of your ſcriblings.
1435
Law.Cry mercy Lady.
1436
Dia.Lady does he call her?
1437
Law.Thus ſarre I have proceeded in your cauſe
1438
Ith’ Marſhalls court.
1439
Buff.But ſhall I have the combate?
1440
Law.Pray obſerve
1441
The paſſages of my proceedings; and
1442
The pro’s and contras in the windings, workings
1443
And carriage of the cauſe.
1444
Buff.Fah on your paſſages,
1445
Your windy workings, and your fiſlings at
1446
The barre. Come me to th’ poynt, is it decreed,
1447
A combate?
1448
Law.Well, it is; and heer’s your order.
1449
Buff.Now thou haſt ſpoken like a lawyer,
1450
And heer’s thy fee.
[F3v]Law.


The Antipodes.
1451
Law.By no meanes gentle Lady.
1452
Buff.Take it, or I will beat thy carcaſſe thinner
1453
Then thou haſt worne thy gowne here.
1454
Law.Pardon me.
1455
Buff.Muſt I then take you in hand?
1456
Law.Hold, hold, I take it.
1457
Dia.Alas poore man, he will take money yet,
1458
Rather then blowes, and ſo farre he agrees
1459
With our rich lawyers, that ſometimes give blowes
1460
And ſhrewd ones for their money.
1461
Buff.Now victory
1462
Affoord me fate, or bravely let me dye.Exit.
1463
Let.Very well acted that.
1464
Dia.Goes ſhe to fight now?
1465
Let.You ſhall ſee that anon――――

Act. 3. Scene. 5.

Enter a Beggar, and a Gallant.
1466
Dia.What’s here, what’s here?
1467
A Courtier, or ſome gallant practiſing
1468
The beggars trade, who teaches him I thinke.
1469
Let.Y’are ſomething near the ſubject.
1470
Beg.Sir excuſe me, I have
1471
From time to time ſupplyed you without hope,
1472
Or purpoſe to receive leaſt retribution
1473
From you, no not ſo much as thankes, or bare
1474
Acknowledgement of the free benefits,
1475
I have confer’d upon you.
1476
Gal.Yet good unkle.
1477
Beg.Yet doe you now when that my preſent ſtore
1478
Reſponds not my occaſions ſeeke to oppreffe me
1479
With vaine petitionary breath, for what I may not
1480
Give without feare of dangerous detriment?
1481
Dia.In what a phraſe the ragged Orator
1482
Diſplayes himſelfe.
1483
Let.The Beggars are the
1484
Moſt abſolute Courtiers in th’ Antipodes.
1485
Gal.If not a peece, yet ſpare me halfe a peece
1486
For goodneſſe ſake good ſir, did you but know
1487
My inſtant want, and to what vertuous uſe,
1488
I would diſtribute it, I know you would not
[F4r]Hold


The Antipodes.
1489
Hold backe your charity.
1490
Dia.And how feelingly
1491
He begges; then as the beggers are the beſt
1492
Courtiers, it ſeemes the Courtiers are beſt beggers
1493
In the Antipodes; how contrary in all
1494
Are they to us?
1495
Beg.Pray to what vertuous uſes
1496
Would you put money to now, if you had it?
1497
Gal.I would beſtow a crowne in Ballads,
1498
Love-pamphlets, and ſuch poeticall Rarities,
1499
To ſend downe to my Lady Grandmother.
1500
She’s very old you know, and given much
1501
To contemplation; I know ſhe’l ſend me for ’em,
1502
In Puddings, Bacon, Sowſe and Pot-Butter
1503
Enough to keepe my chamber all this winter.
1504
So ſhall I ſave my fathers whole allowance
1505
To lay upon my backe, and not be forc’d
1506
To ſhift out from my ſtudy for my victualls.
1507
Dia.Belike he is ſome ſtudent.
1508
Beg.There’s a crowne.
1509
Gal.I would beſtow another crowne in
1510
Hobby-horſes, and Rattles for my Grand-father,
1511
Whoſe legges and hearing faile him very much,
1512
Then to preſerve his ſight a Jack-a-lent,
1513
In a greene ſarſnet ſuite, he’l make my father
1514
To ſend me one of Scarlet, or hee’l cry
1515
His eyes out for’t.
1516
Dia.Oh politique young ſtudent.
1517
Beg.I have but juſt a fee left for my Lawyer;
1518
If he exact not that, Ile give it thee.
1519
Dia.He’l take no fee (that’s ſure enough young man)
1520
Of beggars, I know that.
1521
Let.You are deceiv’d.
1522
Dia.Ile ſpeake to him my ſelfe elſe to remit it.
1523
Ioy.You will not ſure, will you turne Actor too?
1524
Pray doe, be put in for a ſhare amongſt em?
1525
Dia.How muſt I be put in?
1526
Ioy.The Players will quickly
1527
Shew you, if you performe your part; perhaps
[F4v]They


The Antipodes.
1528
They may want one to act the whore amongeſt ’em.
1529
Let.Fye Maſter Ioyleſſe, y’are too fowle.
1530
Ioy.My Lord,
1531
She is too faire it ſeemes in your opinion,
1532
For me, therefore if you can finde it lawfull,
1533
Keepe her; I will be gone.
1534
Let.Now I proteſt
1535
Sit and ſit civilly, till the play be done,
1536
Ile iock thee up elſe, as I am true Letoy.
1537
Ioy.Nay I ha’ done―――― ――Whiſtles Fortune my foe.
1538
Law.Give me my fee, I cannot heare you elſe.
1539
Beg.Sir I am poore, and all I get, is at
1540
The hands of charitable givers; pray ſir.
1541
Law.You underſtand me ſir, your cauſe is to be
1542
Pleaded to day, or you are quite orethrowne in’t.
1543
The Judge by this tyme is about to ſit.
1544
Keepe faſt your money, and forgoe your wit.Exit.
1545
Beg.Then I muſt follow, and entreate him to it,
1546
Poore men in law muſt not diſdaine to doe it.Exit.
1547
Gal.Doe it then, Ile follow you and heare the cauſe.Exit.
1548
Dia.True Antipodians ſtill, for as with us,
1549
The Gallants follow Lawyers, and the beggers them;
1550
The Lawyer here is follow’d by the begger,
1551
While the gentleman followes him.
1552
Let.The morall is, the Lawyers here prove beggers,
1553
And beggers only thrive by going to law.
1554
Dia.How takes the Lawyers then the beggers money?
1555
And none elſe by their wills?
1556
Let.They ſend it all
1557
Up to our lawyers, to ſtop their mouths,
1558
That curſe poor Clyents that are put upon ’em.
1559
In forma Pauperis.
1560
Dia.In truth moſt charitable,
1561
But ſure that money’s loſt by th’ way ſometimes.
1562
Yet ſweet my Lord, whom do theſe beggers beg of,
1563
That they can get aforehand ſo for law?
1564
Who are their benefactors?
1565
Let.Uſurers, Uſurers.
1566
Dia.Then they have Uſurers in th’ Antipodes too?
GLet.


The Antipodes.
1567
Let.Yes Uſury goes round the world, and will doe,
1568
Till the generall converſion of the Jewes.
1569
Dia.But ours are not ſo charitable I feare.
1570
Who be their Uſurers?
1571
Let.Souldiers, and Courtiers chiefly;
1572
And ſome that paſſe for grave and pious Church-men.
1573
Dia.How finely contrary th’are ſtill to ours.

Act. 3. Scene. 5.

Enter Byplay.
1574
Let.Why doe you not enter, what are you aſleepe?――
1575
Byp.My Lord the madde young Gentleman.―――
1576
Ioy.What of him?
1577
Byp.He has got into our Tyring-houſe amongſt us,
1578
And tane a ſtrict ſurvey of all our properties, (ſtellations
1579
Our ſtatues and our images of Gods; our Planets and our con-
1580
Our Giants, Monſters, Furies, Beaſts, and Bug-Beares,
1581
Our Helmets Shields, and Vizors, Haires, and Beards,
1582
Our Paſtbord March-paines, and our Wooden Pies.
1583
Let.Sirrah be briefe, be not you now as long in
1584
Telling what he ſaw, as he ſurveying.
1585
Byp.Whether he thought twas ſome inchanted Caſtle,
1586
Or Temple, hung and pild with Monuments
1587
Of uncouth, and of various aſpects,
1588
I dive not to his thoughts, wonder he did
1589
A while it ſeem’d, but yet undanted ſtood:
1590
When on the ſuddaine, with thrice knightly force,
1591
And thrice, thrice, puiſſant arme he ſnatcheth downe
1592
The ſword and ſhield that I playd Bevis with,
1593
Ruſheth amongſt the foreſaid properties,
1594
Kils Monſter, after Monſter; takes the Puppets
1595
Priſoners, knocks downe the Cyclops, tumbles all
1596
Our jigambobs and trinckets to the wall.
1597
Spying at laſt the Crowne and royall Robes
1598
Ith upper wardrobe, next to which by chance,
1599
The divells vizors hung, and their flame painted
1600
Skin coates; thoſe he remov’d with greater fury,
1601
And (having cut the infernall ugly faces,
1602
All into mamocks) with a reverend hand,
1603
He takes the imperiall diadem and crownes
1604
Himſelfe King of the Antipodes, and beleeves
[Gv]Hee


The Antipodes.
1605
He has juſtly gaind the Kingdome by his conqueſt.
1606
Let.Let him injoy his fancy.
1607
Byp.Doctor Hughball
1608
Hath ſooth’d him in’t, ſo that nothing can
1609
Be ſaid againſt it, he begins to governe
1610
With purpoſe to reduce the manners
1611
Of this country to his owne, h’has conſtituted
1612
The Doctor his chiefe officer; whoſe Secretary
1613
I am to be, you’l ſee a Court well orderd.
1614
Let.I ſee th’event already, by the aymeLetoy wiſpers
1615
The Doctor takes, proceed you with your play,With Barbara.
1616
And let him ſee it in what ſtate he pleaſes.
1617
Byp.I goe my Lord.Exit.
1618
Dia.Truſt me, this ſame Extempore,
1619
(I know not’s tother name) pleaſes me better
1620
For abſolute action then all the reſt.
1621
Ioy.You were beſt beg him of his Lord.
1622
Dia.Say you ſo?
1623
He’s buſie, or Ide move him.
1624
Let.Prithee doe ſo,
1625
Good Miſtres Blaze; goe with her gentle Lady.to Marth.
1626
Doe as ſhe bids you, you ſhall get a child by’t.
1627
Mar.Ile doe as any body bids me for a childe.
1628
Ioy.Diana yet be wiſe, beare not the name
1629
Of ſober chaſtity to play the beaſt in.
1630
Dia.Thinke not your ſelfe, nor make your ſelfe a beaſt,
1631
Before you are one, and when you appeare ſo,
1632
Then thanke your ſelfe; your jealouſie durſt not truſt me,
1633
Behinde you in the country, and ſince Ime here,
1634
Ile ſee and know, and follow th’faſhion; if
1635
It be to cuckold you, I cannot helpe it.
1636
Ioy.I now could wiſh my ſonne had beene as farre
1637
In the Antipodes as he thinkes himſelfe,
1638
Ere I had runne this hazzard.
1639
Let.Y’are inſtructed.
1640
Bar.And Ile perform’t I warrant you my Lord.Ex. Ba. Mar.
1641
Dia.Why ſhould you wiſh ſo? had you rather looſe
1642
Your ſon then pleaſe your wife? you ſhew your love both waies.
1643
Let.Now whats the matter?
G2Ioy.


The Antipodes.
1644
Ioy.Nothing, nothing.―――
1645
Let.Sit, the Actors enter.Flouriſh.

Act. 3. Scene 6.

Enter Byplay the Governour, Mace-bearer,
Sword bearer, Officer, the Mace and Sword laid on
the Table, the Governour ſits.
1646
Dia.What’s he a King?
1647
Let.No tis the City Governor,
1648
And the chieſe Judge within their Corporation.
1649
Ioy.Here’s a CityEnter Peregrine
1650
Like to be well govern’d then.―――and Doctor
1651
Let.Yonder’s a king, doe you know him?
1652
Dia.Tis your ſonne,
1653
My Ioyleſſe, now y’are pleas’d.
1654
Ioy.Would you were pleas’d,
1655
To ceaſe your huſwifry in ſpinning out
1656
The Play at length thus.
1657
Doct.Heere ſir, you ſhall ſee
1658
A poynt of Juſtice handled.
1659
Byp.Officer.
1660
Off.My Lord.
1661
Byp.Call the defendant, and the Plaintiffe in.
1662
Sword.Their counſell and their witneſſes.
1663
Byp.How now!
1664
How long ha you beene free oth Poyntmakers,
1665
Good Maſter hilt and ſcaberd carrier;
1666
(Which is in my hands now) do you give order
1667
For counſell and for witneſſes in a cauſe
1668
Fit for my hearing, or for me to judge, haw?
1669
I muſt be rul’d and circumſcrib’d by Lawyers muſt I,
1670
And witneſſes haw? no you ſhall know
1671
I can give judgement, be it right or wrong,
1672
Without their needleſſe proving and deſending:
1673
So bid the Lawyers goe and ſhake their eares,
1674
If they have any, and the witneſſes,
1675
Preſerve their breath to propheſie of dry ſummers.
1676
Bring me the plaintiffe, and defendant only:
1677
But the defendant firſt, I will not heare
1678
Any complaint before I underſtand
1679
What the defendant can ſay for himſelfe.
[G2v]Per.


The Antipodes.
1680
Per.I have not known ſuch down right equity,
1681
If he proceeds as he begins, ile grace him.―

Act. 4. Sce. 7.

Enter Gentleman, and Officer.
1682
By.Now ſir, are you the plaintiffe or defendant, haw?
1683
Gent.Both as the caſe requires my Lord.
1684
Byp.I cannot
1685
Heare two at once, ſpeake firſt as y’are defendant.
1686
Gent.Mine adverſary doth complaine.
1687
Byp.I will heare no
1688
Complaint, I ſay ſpeake your defence.
1689
Gent.For ſilkes and
1690
Stuffes receiv’d by me.
1691
Byp.A Mercer is he, haw?
1692
Gent.Yes my good Lord, he doth not now complain.
1693
Byp.That I like well.
1694
Gent.For money nor for wares
1695
Againe: but he complaines.
1696
By.Complaines againe? do you double with me, haw?
1697
Gent.In his wives cauſe.
1698
Byp.Of his wife, does he, haw? That I muſt confeſſe
1699
Is many a good mans caſe; you may proceed.
1700
Gent.In money I tender him double ſatisfaction,
1701
With his own wares again unblemiſhed, undiſhonor’d.
1702
Byp.That is unworne, unpawned.
1703
Dia.What an odde
1704
Jeering Judge is this?
1705
Gent.But unto me,
1706
They were deliverd upon this condition,
1707
That I ſhould ſatisfie his wife.
1708
Byp.Heel have
1709
Your body for her then, unleſſe I empt
1710
My breſt of mercy to appeaſe her for you,
1711
Call in the plaintiffe; ſir, ſtand you aſide.Exit Officer.
1712
Dia.Oh tis the flinching Gentleman that broake
1713
With the kind citizens wife. J hope the Judge
1714
Will make him an example.

Act. 3. Scene. 8.

Enter Citizen, and Officer.
1715
Byp.Come you forwards,
1716
Yet nerer man, J know my face is terrible,
G3And


The Antipodes.
1717
And that a Citizen had rather loſe
1718
His debt, then that a Judge ſhould truely know
1719
His dealings with a gentleman, yet ſpeake,
1720
Repeat without thy ſhop booke now; and without
1721
Feare, it may riſe in judgement here againſt thee.
1722
What is thy full demand? what ſatisfaction
1723
Requireſt thou of this gentleman?
1724
Cit.And pleaſe you ſir――――
1725
Sword.Sir! you forget your ſelfe.
1726
By.Twas well ſaid Sword-bearer,
1727
Thou knowſt thy place, which is to ſhew correction.
1728
Cit.My Lord an’t pleaſe you, if it like your honour.
1729
By.La! an intelligent Citizen, and may grow
1730
In time himſelfe to ſit in place of worſhip.
1731
Cit.I aske no ſatisfaction of the gentleman,
1732
But to content my wife; what her demand is,
1733
Tis beſt knowne to her ſelfe; pleaſe her, pleaſe me,
1734
An’t pleaſe you ſir――My Lord an’t like your honour.
1735
But before he has given her ſatisfaction,
1736
I may not fall my ſuit, nor draw my action.
1737
By.You may not.
1738
Cit.No alacke a day I may not,
1739
Nor find content, nor peace at home, and’t pleaſe you
1740
(My Lord, an’t like your honour I would ſay)
1741
An’t pleaſe you, what’s a tradeſman, that
1742
Has a faire wife, without his wife, an’t pleaſe you?
1743
And ſhe without content is no wife, conſidering
1744
We tradeſ-men live by gentlemen, an’t pleaſe you,
1745
And our wives drive a halfe trade with us, if the gentlemen
1746
Breake with our wives, our wives are no wives to us,
1747
And we but broken Tradeſ-men, an’t pleaſe you.
1748
And’t like your honour, my good Lord, and’t pleaſe you.
1749
By.You argue honeſtly.
1750
Cit.Yet gentlemen,
1751
A lacke a day, and pleaſe you, and like your honour,
1752
Will not conſider our neceſſities,
1753
And our deſire in general through the City,
1754
To have our ſonnes all gentlemen like them.
1755
By.Nor though a gentleman conſume
1756
His whole eſtate among ye, yet his ſonne
[G3v]May


The Antipodes.
1757
May live t’inherit it?
1758
Cit.Right, right, and’t pleaſe you:
1759
Your honour my good Lord and’t pleaſe you.
1760
By.Well,
1761
This has ſo little to be ſaid againſt it,
1762
That you ſay nothing. Gentlemen it ſeems
1763
Y’are obſtinate, and will ſtand out― ―
1764
Gent.My Lord,
1765
Rather then not to ſtand out with all mens wives,
1766
Except mine owne, ile yield me into priſon.
1767
Cit.Alacke a day.
1768
Dia.If our young gentlemen,
1769
Were like thoſe of th’Antipodes, what decay
1770
Of trade would here bee, and how full the priſons?
1771
Gent.I offer him any other ſatisfaction;
1772
His wares againe, or money twice the value.
1773
By.That’s from the poynt.
1774
Cit.I, I, alacke a day,
1775
Nor doe I ſue to have him up in priſon,
1776
Alacke a day, what good (good gentleman)
1777
Can I get by his body?
1778
By.Peace, I ſhould
1779
Now give my ſentence, and for your contempt,
1780
(which is a great one, ſuch as if let paſſe
1781
Unpuniſhed, may ſpread forth a dangerous
1782
Example to the breach of City cuſtome,
1783
By gentlemens neglect of Tradeſmens wives)
1784
I ſhould ſay for this contempt commit you
1785
Priſoner from ſight of any other woman,
1786
Untill you give this mans wife ſatisfaction,
1787
And ſhe releaſe you; juſtice ſo would have it:
1788
But as I am a Citizen by nature,
1789
(For education made it ſo) ile uſe
1790
Urbanity in your behalfe towards you;
1791
And as I am a gentleman by calling,
1792
(For ſo my place muſt have it) ile performe
1793
For you the office of a gentleman
1794
Towards his wife, I therefore order thus:
1795
That you bring me the wares here into Court,
[G4](I have


The Antipodes.
1796
(I have a cheſt ſhall hold ’hem, as mine owne)
1797
And you ſend me your wife, ile ſatisfie her
1798
My ſelfe. Ile do’t, and ſet all ſtreight and right:
1799
Juſtice is blinde, but Judges have their ſight.
1800
Dia.And feeling too in the Antipodes.
1801
Han’t they my Lord?
1802
Joy.What’s that to you my Lady?
1803
Within.Diſmiſſe the Court.
1804
Let.Diſmiſſe the Court, cannot you heare the prompter?
1805
Ha’ you loſt your eares, Judge?
1806
By.No: diſmiſſe the Court,
1807
Embrace you friends, and to ſhun further ſtrife,
1808
See you ſend me your ſtuffe, and you your wife.
1809
Per.Moſt admirable Juſtice.
1810
Dia.Proteſt Extempore plaid the Judge; and I
1811
Knew him not all this while.
1812
Ioy.What over-ſight
1813
Was there?
1814
Dia.He is a properer man methinks
1815
Now, than he was before: ſure I ſhall love him.
1816
Ioy.Sure, ſure, you ſhall not, ſhall you?
1817
Dia.And I warrant,
1818
By his Judgement ſpeech ee’n now, he loves a woman well:
1819
For he ſaid, if you noted him, that he
1820
Would ſatisfie the Citizens wife himſelfe.
1821
Methinks a gentlewoman might pleaſe him better.
1822
Joy.How dare you talke ſo?Byplay kneeles, and kiſſes
1823
Dia.What’s he a doing now troe?Peregrines hand.
1824
Per.Kneele downe
1825
Againe. Give me a ſword ſome body.
1826
Let.The King’s about to Knight him.
1827
By.Let me pray
1828
Your Majeſty be pleaſed, yet to with-hold
1829
That undeſerved honour, till you firſt
1830
Vouchſafe to grace the City with your preſence,
1831
Accept one of our Hall-feaſts, and a freedome,
1832
And freely uſe our purſe for what great ſummes
1833
Your Majeſty will pleaſe.
1834
Dia.What ſubjects there are
1835
In the Antipodes.
[G4v]Let.


The Antipodes.
1836
Let.None in the world ſo loving.
1837
Per.Give me a ſword, I ſay, muſt I call thrice?
1838
Let.No, no, take mine my Liege.
1839
Per.Yours! what are you?
1840
Doct.A loyall Lord, one of your ſubjects too.
1841
Per.He may be loyall; he’s a wondrous plaine one,
1842
Joy.Prithee Diana, yet lets ſlip away
1843
Now while he’s buſie.
1844
Dia.But where’s your daughter in Law?
1845
Joy.Gone home I warrant you with Miſtris Blaze.
1846
Let them be our example.
1847
Dia.You are coſen’d.
1848
Joy.Y’are an impudent whore,
1849
Dia.I know not what I may be
1850
Made by your jealouſie.
1851
Per.Ile none o’ this,
1852
Give me that Princely weapon.
1853
Let.Give it him.
1854
Sword.It is a property you know my Lord,
1855
No blade, but a rich Scabbard with a Lath in’t.
1856
Let.So is the ſword of Juſtice for ought he knows.
1857
Per.It is inchanted.
1858
By.Yet on me let it fall,
1859
Since tis your highneſſe will, Scabbard and all.
1860
Per.Riſe up our truſty well beloved Knight.
1861
By.Let me finde favour in your gracious ſight
1862
To taſte a banquet now, which is prepar’d,
1863
And ſhall be by your followers quickly ſhar’d.
1864
Per.My followers, where are they?
1865
Let.Come Sirs quickly.Ent. 5. or 6. Courtiers.
1866
Per.Tis well, lead on the way.
1867
Dia.And muſt not we
1868
Goe to the Banquet too?
1869
Let.He muſt not ſee
1870
You yet; I have provided otherwiſe
1871
For both you in my Chamber, and from thence
1872
Wee’ll at a window ſee the reſt oth’ Play,
1873
Or if you needs ſir will ſtay here, you may.
1874
Joy.Was ever man betray’d thus into torment?Ex.
HAct.


Contact: brome@sheffield.ac.uk Richard Brome Online, ISBN 978-0-9557876-1-4.   © Copyright Royal Holloway, University of London, 2010